Well, I’ve been pacing up and down the room to avoid writing this, my very first blog story. Why? Because I’m scared to bits. I was over the moon when I announced to you that I was beginning this next journey, but yesterday, all I thought was ‘what have I done? I can’t back out of it now.’
You see, it’s quite a different feel from adding words to an instagram post. Over there, I couldn’t always be sure if people apppreciated the photo or my words..whereas here, it’s predominantly about my words, my story. Those niggly thoughts fly into your head such as ‘who really wants to hear what I have to say?’ and ‘who am I to put myself out there?’ Not to mention the good old ‘what will people think, especially those who have seem me in one particular light?’
This is truly extending me out of my comfort zone- it’s something we hear we must do in order to move forward in life. But it’s also greater and more beautiful than that.
For me now, it’s an evolution of revealing myself like I couldn’t do before.
To earn the golden ticket meant I had to front up and appear perfect, like I had everything under control, to be the person my parents wanted me to be. Whilst at the same time, I was so aware of my inadequacies that were always highlighted to me from others. Consequently, I tried even harder to hide them.
In doing so, this still didn’t appear to make me ‘perfect’ and thus began a very long struggle with self-confidence and self-acceptance.
Being a quiet personality, it’s always been a challenge to say what is on my mind. May I rewrite that as ‘to express what’s in my heart…’. I’ve been accused of going too deep and over thinking everything. I’d look around me at people who could make fun of themselves, tease people in jest, put themselves out there, keep up to date with the occurrences of the world…not me. I’d ask myself repeatedly why it was so easy for them? I spent a lot of time alone as a teenager watching people and simply thinking…simply being. Most likely about where I fitted in to the world and what was my purpose.
So after a long time of feeling this way, there are things I’ve learnt about over this journey called my life that have brought me to this point. I’m actually feeling quite proud of myself. I’ll not go into it here…I’ll spare you the detail today!
We all have stories and our unique way of adding value to the world. Since beginning photography classes, I uncovered purely through listening to my heart in my quiet moments, that this is the platform through which I can add my value to the world, or at least that is my utmost intention and heartfelt wish. I have come to adore writing my thoughts and feelings down and if many of you hadn’t been as encouraging as you were, I’d have pulled my head back under my shell.
So it’s with a heartfelt thank you to you all for allowing me the space to dip my toes in the water and discover this side of me that I’d always secretly desired, but had no clue as to how I’d arrive at expressing myself through words.
I’d really like establish some things between you and me about things I might say in my blog…
🌟As a consequence of being real, raw and authentic, which is my goal always here, I may add some things that sound like I’m putting myself down. Please, in no way is this to incite compliments or any kind of comfort. I’m ok with the way I am now and I’ll intend to show you where I’ve been in order for you to see where I am and where I’m heading. Goodness knows I heard that line from a very young age at school if I said something nice about someone..’you’re just fishing for compliments!’ Lines such as this are, in my mind, utterly destructive, and had me avoid anything that would give people ammunition to shower me with that phrase.
🌟Being real about the things we feel are our greatest traits is not bragging. We are not alluding to the fact we are better than others when we do this. In fact, it’s much worse to be underplaying your gifts in order to appear modest. There’s quite the fine line to juggle here..
It’s taken a long time to overcome that fear, and you know the thing that has allowed me to reach this milestone? What everything can be reduced to… LOVE.
Love for myself and a realisation that I just love people. So doing what I can to make sure no one who knows me or comments on social media ever feels unworthy or unwanted is my motivation for being kind and saying pleasant things to people. That’s it…It’s that simple now…and I’m going to keep doing it.
🌟I think these are the stories I really wanted to share with you as a first post. And you know what? It’s been an amazing feeling to be real, honest and not try to hide anything. I’ve actually enjoyed writing this, being brave…being raw…and all it took was…
that first word… that first step.
All I have to offer is my side of the story and I’ll never intend to belittle a different way of looking at life… but this is all I’ve got to offer…my view. I truly hope it may resonate with you along the way.
If you have something inside your heart that you are waiting to share… I ask you this- how will you feel if you get to the end of your life and you didn’t share your gifts, your dreams, your means of expressing yourself? Those things inside your heart that you can feel joy just by thinking about them?
There are so many reasons why you need to share those things that ignite your fire
and it’s my intention to explore these here with you.
Please, I’d love t hear what you think. But this is along the lines of what my blog is about….and you will always be welcome to use this as way of taking your first step in expressing yourself, should you choose to. I’d be honoured if you did.
Thank you. I’m glad you’re here.
Love to you from Di ❤
Continue reading “Going deep to say hello.”